Philadelphia Marathon 2022 Race Report – Part 3 – Finally the race!

“The older I get, the more I realize the greatest threat to my faith is not my doubt. It is my desire for certainty. Faith is not about being certain or right. It is about trusting the truth that God’s love and grace remain even when my faith leaves.” – Dante Steward

Race morning, I woke up feeling pretty crappy. But this is marathon #14 for me. Race prep is well-rehearsed at this point. Make the coffee. Make the oatmeal. Eat the banana. Drink the Maurten. It requires no thought to do these things. My brain stayed calm and I did them.

I was glad I had laid out my entire kit the night before. Coach Maverick had insisted on long tights, which I had never worn for a marathon before, but he was definitely right. From head to toe, I wore: Goodr sunglasses, pink Brooks hat, Nike Chicago sports bra, Tracksmith Harrier long sleeve top, Brooks canopy jacket, cheapie Fleet Feet gloves with hand warmers, Nike tights, Darn Tough wool socks, Nike Next% 2s. Seven Maurten gels, each with a Tums taped onto it, and extra Tums, just in case of some kind of calcium emergency, all tucked into my FlipBelt. Plus, I bought a super warm jacket and a pair of sweatpants at Goodwill as throwaways. I knew setting off into the city alone in the cold and the dark would be hard, and it was. But at least I was warm.

There was a shuttle bus stop only two blocks away from the AirBnB. Score! I got right on the bus and was at the race site in only 10 minutes. As I was going through security, I started talking to the woman in front of me. She was from Mexico City, also alone, and also feeling nervous. Part of my game plan had been to find a friend and here she was. We went to the warming tent and sat on the her heat sheet together. She and her daughter were in town to run the races and visit a friend. We compared notes on families and marathons and fueling and what we had seen in Philadelphia. It was warm and cozy in the tent!

Eventually though it was time to go line up. It was *cold* outside, and really windy. I had thought to meet the Librarian but she was planning to run faster than I was. I lined up with my new friend, loathe to leave her behind. It was so cold and windy – everyone kept their outer gear on as long as possible. Finally it was our time to go. I tried to stick with my new friend but ended up losing her almost immediately.

In talking to Coach Maverick about the race plan, he recommended running really easy for the first 10K and then assessing how I felt. He suggested 9:20-9:30 and I thought I might even start at 9:40. With the crazy stress level of the last few months, the awful weather, and the bad sleep, I preferred to be overly conservative. I was pretty sure even when I was lining up that I was just going to run the whole race easy. After the panic attack the night before, I wasn’t sure that finishing was a done deal.

Intrepid Spectators!

I ran down Benjamin Franklin Parkway, working my way to the right-hand side where I hoped to see Mervus and Rose at about the 1 mile marker. There they were! I was elated to see them. I could already tell that today’s run was not going to be about time so I stopped for a quick hug.

The early miles of the Philadelphia course loop around the city center and then down to Penn’s Landing by the Delaware River. We ran by a UCC church with a rainbow sign out front: Love is Love is Love is Love. I thought of all my church friends back home, praying for me.

Then we ran by the Mother Bethel AME Church. Women from the church were singing and passing out pace bands. I grabbed one that said “God is My Pace Partner.” Yes, I thought. This run has to be about love and about God. That’s going to sound so corny, but it’s true. I can’t keep living with the level of fear I’ve dealt with in the past six months so I have to find a way to move forward with less fear. I know that for me, that means placing my trust in God. I would have thought that would be easier to do, but it turns out to be really hard. I like being in control of my life. The realization that I do not control something as fundamental as my health has been exceptionally difficult to accept. I want to somehow will my parathyroids back into action. But I am gradually understanding that it does not work that way. This problem is too big for me and I have to give it to God. I am really trying and it is really hard.

I wasn’t sure I was going to finish this race. I am not sure I am going to be able to run another marathon. But we actually never know those things. A twisted ankle, a stomach gone south, calcium craziness. No runner is guaranteed a finish line (or a starting line). No runner is guaranteed another marathon, or even another race. Ever. Given that that’s true, I wanted to enjoy this race. I didn’t want to spend what might be my last marathon cursing the weather or bemoaning my fate. Coach Mick always advises me to “Run with Joy” and as much as possible, that’s exactly what I did. The joy of the marathon is not usually the glitter-and-sparkles kind of joy. If you work hard and keep your head on straight and get a little lucky, it can be the job-well-done kind of joy and that’s what I was aiming for in Philadelphia.

So – back to the race! Just before the corner near Independence Hall, I spotted a friend from church cheering for me. I came around the corner and she was waiting with her camera positioned to get a shot of me running with Independence Hall in the background. She called out “We love you! We love you!” probably the single best marathon cheer I have ever heard.

That was just the beginning of the fun on Chesnut and Walnut streets. I spotted Aliphine Tuliamuck and stopped and gave her a big hug. Jared Ward and Bart Yasso were there and they got hugs too. I have no idea what they thought of a crazy woman hugging them mid-race but they didn’t object. Next up were Death Shuffler and Partner with the first of their awesome signs. They got hugs too. Then I found Mervus and Rose again and more big hugs. Last but not least near the end of the street Nurse Runner saw me and shouted out a cheer. WOOT! The first 7 miles in Philly are pretty amazing.

The next section of the race had a special treat. We crossed the Schuylkill River into University City. Aidan was waiting for me at mile 8 with his girlfriend, Hale. He had arrived the night before, too late to come by our AirBnB. I stopped for big hugs from both of them. The joy at seeing my son – indescribable! They promised they would see me again at mile 12.5.

The next four miles were pretty tough running. The course loops around the zoo. It’s the hilliest section and the wind was getting stronger. One runner said “It’s just what we need – a little headwind to add to the hill.” I didn’t say anything. I just thought – don’t even go there. Positive attitude all the way. I’m really proud that I never wavered from that. I tried to keep my mind blank. Or I chanted words: Once it was mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, getting ready for Thanksgiving I guess. Another time it was: Kintsugi, Kintsugi, Kintsugi. These miles were really long. I even made a potty stop. At 12.5, Aidan and Hale were there again, as promised. I hugged them again, so hard. These two – I have so much love for both of them.

Death Shuffler had said she would be at mile 16 so I had to get back across the river and work my way around another loop to get to her. It was still cold, still windy. I listened to my music. I tried to make my mind go blank. Mashed potatoes. Kintsugi. Keep going. I wasn’t looking at my watch at all. Sometimes the wind was so strong that it knocked my legs into each other. It was just a matter of not stopping.

At mile 16, there was a woman who looked a lot like Death Shuffler, wearing a Dunkin Donuts NYC marathon hat like Death Shuffler, carrying a sign like Death Shuffler. The sign said “Why?” but then she unfolded it and it said “Why Not?” So perfect! I tried to catch the her eye, but she didn’t see me. It turns out it WAS Death Shuffler and also: four more miles done.

Mile 16 is where I was victorious over the demons. I really wasn’t mentally prepared to fight. They had been sneaky with their midnight appearance. But I had some tricks up my sleeve too. One of my favorite podcasts, the Injured Athletes Club, presents the concept of the Anxiety Pyramid. When returning to sport after injury (or calcium chaos), competing at the top level might be too scary. The idea of the Anxiety Pyramid is to figure out what the athlete can handle and do that. If playing tennis is too scary, can you hold a tennis ball? If jumping with a horse is terrifying, can you put the tack on? Can you sit in the saddle? If racing a marathon felt impossible, what about 26.2 miles of easy jogging? Could I sneak in under the demons’ radar if I kept the pace comfortable? I started to believe I could.

After mile 16, I knew I would finish. The trip out to Manayunk took forever. I kept looking at the runners around me. One woman had a black sweatshirt that said PURR VIDA on the back. She was wearing a sparkly black stocking cap with cat ears so I tried to stay with her. Anyone in a sparkly cat hat is a potential friend of mine. But I needed to run exactly my own race. By now, the water at the aid stations had ice in it and the road was frozen and slick. Finally I reached the turnaround point and started running back to the start. Hallelujah. Somewhere around mile 22 there was a port-a-potty and I stopped for my second pee of the race.

After the port-a-potty, I was ready to re-focus and get this done. Four miles to go. At the 24 mile mark, I saw Death Shuffler again. At 25 miles I looked for Rubik’s Cube, but missed him. Mervus and Rose were on my right near the 26 mile marker as promised. This time I didn’t stop for a hug. I was almost done. And then, finally, I was done.

The finish line was sweet. Arms up and a big smile and then I burst into tears. Another runner saw me sobbing, hugged me, and walked with me to the medals. One of the volunteers asked if it was my first marathon. I managed to laugh and say no, 14^th, but first since surgery. She gave me a hug and a medal. I absolutely PRd in hugs this time around.

The wind had kicked up and I knew I just needed to get back to the AirBnB as fast as possible. The orange juice from the finishing line was frozen. A quick phone call helped me locate Mervus and Rose. Mervus had blessedly thought to bring my big winter coat so I was cozy pretty fast. We found the shuttle buses and gratefully climbed aboard.

Back at the AirBnB, I got showered and packed up the remainder of my stuff. We met Aidan and Hale and went directly to brunch. Wonderful to be done. Wonderful to have my family around me. So so happy.

And, for the TL;DR version: