I’ve started to refer to the Run for Refugees race as “my favorite 5K,” which I guess is sort of like “my favorite level of hell?” The 5K is certainly not my favorite distance. But way back in the before-times, I ran a series of 5ks and learned a lot about the distance and about myself as a runner. Run for Refugees was probably the first 5K I ever ran well, back in 2020, when I ran 22:58 and took home a trophy for my efforts. But even before then, in 2017, I volunteered at this race and it captured my heart. It’s a fundraiser for IRIS – Integrated Refugee and Immigrant Services, a fantastic organization that provides refugees arriving in Connecticut with what they call “wrap-around” services: a place to live, food, legal advice, help getting kids into schools and adults into jobs, mental health services, and perhaps most important of all, a friendly face. My church is looking to get more involved with IRIS and I can’t wait to help that happen later this spring. But in the meantime, I got to run “my favorite 5K” again this year.
What do I love about this race? It’s the friendliest and most diverse group of runners of any race I know. Race logistics are simple. The course is basically a figure eight so spectators and runners can see each other several times. It’s also basically flat. The shirts are iconic. They used to have amazing food from the countries of origin for the refugee clients, but that doesn’t seem to be back yet, post-Covid. Maybe next year?
I think training is finally starting to turn a corner. From the thyroid surgery in late May all the way through late December, I mostly felt like I was bailing a sinking ship. I’ve been able to run almost the entire time, for which I am incredibly grateful. But the aftermath of the surgery, both the physical healing and the ongoing calcium issues, has meant that training rarely felt good, even if it did not always feel bad. As late as early January I was sending messages to my endocrinologists (and google) asking things like “If I don’t have a thyroid, does strength training affect my metabolism? And if not, should I bother doing it?” Right now I don’t think my ship is actively leaking water, a big improvement. There is still a lot of bailing to be done, but sometime in mid-January, running started to feel better, sometimes even good. I appreciate this every time it happens.
With that as preamble, on to the actual race!
We arrived right at 8:30 and got prime parking. This is NOT too early to get to this race. Mervus and Rose had come along to cheer. Snarky Girl was running and her daughter, Olivia, had decided to hop in at the last minute. We were also meeting Chewie and Pippi so we had a great crew!
Chewie and I got in a solid warm up, reminiscing about last year when we ran in gorgeous snow. We talked some about my fears. Anyone listening in would have assumed she was my coach, rather than vice versa. After my last race, the Philadelphia Marathon, I landed in the ER and then spent the night in the hospital with atrial fibrillation. My number one goal was to avoid the emergency room this time. Number two goal was to keep anxiety to some kind of reasonable level. Chewie listened to me and my worries and just listing them out helped keep them under control. It was absolutely lovely to warm up together and I hope we can meet up again soon. I dropped off my jacket with Mervus and got a last good-luck kiss. One last trip to the porta-potty before Chewie and I went to line up. I knew we might be too far back, but dang, it’s hard to go up front!
The race director for this race, John Bysiewicz, was hit by a car while cycling last November. He lost his left leg in the accident and he’s still in the hospital in rehab. We sent up a cheer we hoped was loud enough to reach him. Then the Yale Gospel choir sang “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing,” which was awesome! They fired the gun and we were off!
Note for future reference: This is too far back!
It was immediately clear that we were too far back but I remembered from my race report of 2020 that a slow start doesn’t always mean a bad race. I wasn’t frustrated. Coach Maverick wants me to work on intuitive racing, so I didn’t check pace a single time during the race. My word for the first mile was “Control” – The slow start certainly helped with that. For the first half mile, I felt pretty good. Then we went around the top of the park and started down Livingston Street. Now some fear started to come. Would I blow up? Would my heart go into a-fib? Would I run a slow 5K? That these options seemed equally dire made me laugh.
I told myself, you are re-braving here. “Re-braving” is a term I stole from a friend who had a heart attack last year. We are both working on finding our confidence again. No panic attack the night before the race meant I was already winning. Re-braving, re-braving, re-braving, I chanted in my head. Stay with this pace and soon you’ll see your family.
There they were at the first mile marker! I am always so happy to see them but today especially. Mervus and Rose with the beautiful banner Mervus had made. I could see them looking for me and I was able to wave and smile. One mile down!
The second mile is six blocks down Livingston Street, a quick block over and the same six blocks back up Orange Street. I thought I might count the blocks but I lost track after one. Instead I thought about Coach Maverick’s word for this middle section: Focus. A lot of 5Ks are “lost” in the middle mile when things start to get hard, but the end of the race is still so far away. I thought about Coach Mick telling me once “You can run fast a lot farther than you think you can.” I thought about trying to run faster, reminding myself that you have to increase effort to even maintain pace in a 5K.
I had put together a playlist the night before and for once, I had actually figured out how long each song would take and thought about when in the race I wanted to hear it. “Ordinary Girl” by Kate Alexa came on as I ran the second half of the second mile. Rose introduced me to this song, which is the soundtrack to the TV show H20 about mermaids. I’m not a mermaid, but I love the lyrics (which remind me of Rose):
I’ve got a special power
That I’m not afraid to use
Every waking hour
I discover something new
So come on this is my adventure
This is my fantasy
It’s all about living in the ocean
Being wild and free
I am not running in the ocean, of course. But the rest of that – Wow. Yes. I’m not under the illusion that I’m a great runner, but I am damn good at figuring things out and I love the feeling of being wild and free, that’s for sure. This song brought me so much joy and helped me stay strong, also remembering that the race was half over. This was going by really fast!
Note, feeling good and happy at the halfway mark of a 5K is a pretty clear sign that you could be running faster. Normally this is when I start fantasizing about breaking my ankle so I can stop running. I still wasn’t looking at my watch, but I was pretty sure I was somewhere between faster-than-tempo and slower-than-5K-desperate pace. That felt about right for the day. I was pushing pretty hard but not so hard that I was questioning my life choices. I was running fast, feeling free – and not on the way to the emergency room. I rounded the corner and saw Mervus and Rose again, near the second mile marker.
The last mile was supposed to be “All In!” Oof. I turned again to head back up Livingston around the park and thought, ok, you can count. Count 100 for each finger, do that two times, and you’ll be done. This stretch felt really really long. I was staring ahead trying to force the turn at the top of the park to emerge and it felt like it would never appear. Just for a moment I thought “You can’t do this!” but then I reminded myself. “You are in control here. If you have to slow down a little bit, you can. It’s better if you can hold the pace, but either way, you are in charge.” After so many months of not being in charge of so many things happening with my body, it felt amazing to slow down just a scooch. Just to show who is really in charge. And then fight to run fast again.
My favorite running song of the past year is “God of the Impossible.” My plan to finish the race running to this song totally worked! It came on during the last half mile and I just ran like crazy for the finish line.
Here I am! Lord send me!
I won’t look back, cause I was made
To be a part of the impossible!
You’re God of the impossible!
When I crossed, my watch said 25:16 [Actual time 25:07. Negative splits baby! 8:24, 7:58, 7:53]. That is not my fastest 5K by a long shot. It’s fully 3 minutes slower than my PR. But I ran hard, harder than any race since surgery. I executed well, with a lot of control and none of the mental doubts that plagued me last spring or the anger of spring 2021. This was a solid clean race and I am super happy about it.
After the race, Chewie, her mom, Pippi and I went for a little cool down jog. Snarky Girl and Olivia showed up eventually. They had stopped for coffee DURING THE RACE! What an awesome way to run a 5K! Chewie and her mom had to head out but the rest of us headed to brunch at the Neighborhood Café. It was a longish wait but the food and the company were top notch.
One way to run a 5K!
I am really looking forward to the next race. This is a great start to build on. I don’t know what the future holds, no thyroid and those recalcitrant parathyroids. I know there’s a lot of worry ahead and probably some physical discomfort brought on by medical events rather than just 5Ks. But this is the most hope I’ve had in a long time.
Post-race brunch = THE BEST!